Mission Opinion

Hello World Wide Web!

I have been recently employed as an opinion columnist for my college’s summer newspaper, and for the first time since anyone can remember, I am at a loss for words.
Stage fright, maybe?
The point is that journalism is a sparkly new concept to me, and even simply discussing my opinions is uncharted water. To be quite honest, I smell insincere articles reeking of teenage angst (room temp. three day old Domino’s pizza) and poorly phrased pitches that are likely to cause irritable bowels (like dining hall food).
In layman’s terms, insincere articles reeking of teenage angst (room temp. three day old Domino’s pizza) and poorly phrased pitches that may cause irritable bowels (like dining hall food).

Haha, rhetorical humor.

But more seriously…Do I even have opinions?
I guess we’re fixing to find out.

This blog will act as my scratchpad as I attempt to discover, or create, my eloquently opinionated side.
Here I will provide access to my free thoughts (thought for naught one could say!) and unnecessary amounts of cynical sarcasm (sorry) (<– sarcastic).

To summarize: I am on a mission to find my opinions.
[cue theme song to Mission Impossible Jaws]

———————————————————————————

P.S. This will be a messy operation and I do expect at least 83 counts of unexplained deaths (collateral damage), along with the loss of 99%, if not more, of your IQ points.
Just know that no animals were harmed in the process of this self-discovery.

P.P.S. Don’t bother with the seatbelt; not even that will help in this impending car crash.

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